Backwards

Retrospect
The act of looking behind you, and cringing at all the rookie stuff you pulled.
Of saying proudly, that you regret nothing! While making new lists of things you'll never do again on pain of death.
The feeling in the pit of your stomach that something bad is going to happen. Because you know it already did.

I wouldn't change a thing (But really I would)
I'd make myself taller, slimmer, and more sorted.
I'd write that answer this time, on the sheets they gave me.
I'd call him back.
I'd actually get off my ass and meet my friends so that when they get married, I know more about their lives.
Maybe this time, when I look back, I'd be more poised, less broken, and the cracks won't show.
Maybe this time, I won't be tempted to rhyme retrospect and regret.
But then, maybe I won't.

Retrospect and regret have an internal rhyme
For some reason.
Maybe the next time, I'd wish I hadn't taken the call, hadn't written the answer sheet, and had gotten hammered that one time.
Maybe I'll always look back and cringe.
Maybe the rhyme scheme
I've internalized
Never ends.

Independent Passing

You know the problem with Independence?
She has a strong-ass presence.
Way stronger than Instinct.
Instinct is a benign little thing
Like an old woman who's found
Whatever she wants to do, it's allowed...
But she's scared to take the plunge.
Independence, though...
Is an abrasive 20 year old
Who says she knows best.
Nevermind, the rest
Of her life
Is yet to arrive
She's unstoppable
Unmatchable
Unforgettable.
But this one time...
She fucked up.

She didn't stop you.
When instinct wanted to
When every ounce of her body
Said she should.
She fought them all off
And waved
As you walked away.
She didn't tell you
When her brain screamed
"Make him stay"
She let you pack your bags
And move away.
She picked up your call
Let the tears continue to fall
Wished you luck
And turned back to work.

Because she recognized her counterpart
She knew him from afar
She knew he was fighting a different war
Of which she was not a part.
And though
She stood ready to fight at his shoulder
She waited till he asked her.
While he fought on, a solo warrior
Alone, coz he didn't want to worry her.

So she waited for him
And he dreamt of her.
But he stayed away
And she didn't bother.

So our independences fought
Their different wars
On different fronts
And lost.

While Instinct sat at home
And knew nothing could be done
We needed our space,
And we needed our freedom.

And when the wars were lost
And the soldiers returned
When you didn't make it
And I had nowhere to run
Instinct stepped up
And pulled me to my feet
Reminding me of an enemy
You couldn't defeat.
Telling me the war
Is yet to be won.
That your work
Must be done.

Independence will fight
Now next to her
Making up for what
She should have done before.
Your war is ours now
It began anew
With every little victory
Dedicated to you.