Monday, October 2, 2017

How to Meet New People After Half Your Life is Done


As a product, you're a problem
A long-term investment
No guarantee
Prone to short circuits
And hell for maintenance.

But even the battered defects you own
Have been accepted by some
But when you grow, you meet many more folks
With whom you have to make things work.

Of course, you come with an instruction manual
But that's buried deep in packaging
Which nobody will try to open
Unless you're doing some tagda marketing.

So let's try to make sense
It's an easy enough process;
Just a few steps.

Step one.
Get out of your corner
And try, na, once, to talk?
You’re fun sometimes, you also acknowledge,
So, can a tentative introduction go too wrong?

Step two.
No, don’t run away just yet
You’re human, not on a final shoot for Seinfeld
Don’t let the raised eyebrows daunt you
You’re a star, your new friends should flaunt you

Step three.
Okay maybe that was a lie
Human beings never grew out of the playground
We were annoying little shitheads as kids
And there’s still enough of us around.

Step four.
But remember, you have some friends
And you’re fairly certain they’re going to stay
So maybe take some courage from that
And make the stage fright go away?

Step five.
FYI, they’re really not worth it
You’re not fighting the playground mafia here
You won’t get bullied now, if you don’t find a group
You won’t find that you’re out of the social loop.

Step six.
Who am I kidding?

No, this isn’t a commentary
Imagine, me?
Confident, stage-smart, street-smart, will-talk-to-clients-at-a-meeting
Me?
Commenting on introvert society?
What is this pseudo-sympathy?
So what if my ears are red right now
And my palms are sweatier than the last time?

But honestly
Have you seen those photo-series?
Behind the scenes of perfection?
The background to every airbrushed video?
The “seedy underbelly” of the show?
Did you wonder if that could be true
For people walking all around you?

Because here’s step seven, from behind the scenes.
Weigh your idiosyncrasies
Find which are okay with society
And if you play your cards right
You’re not weird, but quirky.

Which brings us to step eight
Wherein all you can do is wait
To either be found by, or to find
Someone who is of like mind
But this isn’t cause for celebration
Because then things hit new escalations

With step nine, you tread with care
You’re worried just how much to share
You’re mentally flipping through 25+ years
Of complexities, oddities and fears
And as you introduce each one
You’re fully prepped to see them run
Because you’ve watched these oddities take shape
And even you know you’re a little strange.

Step ten is for those lucky ones
From whom the audience didn’t run
Because now you can finally rest
You’re in the presence of one of the best
And you’re free to embark
On the next monumental task.

Step eleven is what we call sustenance.
It’s what forms the basis for everything else
Piece by piece, you build up on
Each step which has come and gone

So your marketing strategy is now in place
You're ready to launch; complete, with game-face...

But did anyone ever bother to ask...

Why do I need to strategize to ensure I get to socialize?
What even, are you offering as a prize?
The right to interact?

Where did it begin to go wrong?
How are we letting this go on?
Who gets to decide
Which person fits, and who is better off on the outside?

May I hazard a step twelve?
I've been using it, and it's treating me well.
Don't bother.
Really, stop.
Why should you market yourself at all?
Especially to just MAKE a friend
Because that's a beginning, and not the end.
Don’t bother with making a case for you.
You’ll find your niche, like back in school
You’ll find that one other little girl
Who finds it fascinating to be in your world
And you in hers, and that’s all you need
Don’t  bother to bring her up to speed.
You’ll find each others’ oddities
Before you find the normalcy

Ideally, one day, we can all move on
And leave the marketing wars to Flipkart & Amazon
Because we're all broken
We're all oddities
Without a return policy
And why shouldn't we be?
Nobody cares what happens to perfection
It will be fine, it's programmed to be
We're all looking at the flawed
Because that is where there will be magic to see.

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