Showing posts with label human being. Show all posts
Showing posts with label human being. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

The Epitome


A life in rewind


“Babe, I don’t mean to tell you what you already know, but maybe you need some more nutrition, hai na? I know you’re more than capable of eating for two on a good day, but you know you have to do that every day, right now na?”
She rolled her eyes at him, but obediently pulled the plate closer again. “But this is boring food! There’s no taste to this!”
“Haan na, baby, itna teekha tum kha sakti ho, baby thodi khaayegi…”
“Why? I’m sure she’ll love some achaar… Let’s try na?”
He dropped his head into his palm and laughed, “We’ll try tomorrow. For now, eat.”
She grumbled and picked up the spoon, turning towards him for another complaint, but he was too quick.
“Mmm, now you can take your time with your food, and I’ll get a nice nap” he settled comfortably on her extended legs, a pillow between her thigh and his head, “Go on, take your time.”
She sighed, sniggering to herself, and got down to finishing her food.

***

‘The mornings came too quickly these days’ she thought to herself, as she stretched and heard him already putting on his belt. The unmistakable clink of the buckle told her she’d missed the morning banter.
“You’re not coming back in, to bed?”
 He glanced at her in the mirror and smiled at the routine they’d carried on for years “No, sweets, it’s late today. Gym mein thoda zyaada time lag gaya. But I’ll come home early, and we’ll do coffee and Bournvita”
“Can I have beer?”
“Can I first have my baby?”
“Take her now only, she’s a bore, just like you. She wants to go to work.”
“Just like me, or just like you?”
“I’m a lazy ass, you’re the one who won’t come back to bed.”
“Mommy darling, you’re dying to get back to work, and you know it. You’re probably already drafting an intro mail for your daughter and setting her task list up. Okay, I’m off. Kiss?”
“Ew, no! I need to brush.”
He leaned down and kissed her belly, then grinned up at her “I wasn’t asking you.”
She began to laugh.

***


The door opened and his perfume drifted in to her before his voice did. He was on the phone.
“Hunjee, abhi ghar aaya hoon. Just got in.”
She mumbled into her pillow “You can get off the phone now, at least.”
His voice smiled out from her earpiece, and his breath tickled her shoulder “But then I won’t hear your pretty voice say ‘I love you’ over the phone na?”
She growled in response “I love you”
“Okaayy bye…”
His hand was rubbing her back now “What happened, bad day?”
“No. I’m just surrounded by idiots who don’t know their hands from their feet.”
“So, bad day.”
He was making noises with glasses and all.
“No, no! Wait! I’ve made you filter coffee. Thandi hai, bas thodi garam kar do.”
He paused, and turned to her with a frown “Why are you making me coffee at night? Don’t tell me you have work to do yaar…”
She grimaced. He wasn’t going to be happy “Not much… Just a little…”
“Yaar toh din mein kar lete na, why would you leave it for after I get home?”
“Arre abhi shaam ko aaya…”
“So, we’ve talked about this na, why would you take up a project at night?”
“It was important…”
“No yaar, you do your project, then I’m going to sleep. I’m tired.”
He walked off, cup of coffee left on the table, a plate of food in his hand.

“Scoot.”
He looked up at her “Jaldi kaam khatam karo, and sleep. Don’t waste time. Again, you’ll stay up late, and be tired tomorrow.”
“No, I’m done.”
“Done with work?”
“No, work is there, I’ve pushed delivery time to tomorrow evening.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to spend time with my husband. He’s quite sexy, you know.”


***


“Pastels look gorgeous on you”
She stole a side-glance at her almost-husband “You know what a pastel is?”
He nodded, under pretence of straightening his glasses “Like the signal is a green, the pista ice cream is a pastel green; I remember.”
She stifled her laughter as her father gave her a look from across the mandap. Probably not the best time to get in touch with her sense of humour.
“Babe, suno na…”
“Hmm?”
“Aapko mujhe prompt karna padega. I have no idea what anyone is saying. Thoda distracted hoon na. Those pastels and all.”
“Damn it, I was hoping the fam would do that bit. Mujhe ghanta pata hai, what to do…”
They both stopped laughing as the pandit gave them a dirty look this time.


***

“Listen.”
“Hunjee?”
“If I quit my job, pick up my Rani of Jhansi sword and come off to your city, and convince your family, would you seriously consider spending the rest of your life with me?”
“Sure. But where would you get the sword from? And who would pay your rent?”
“Arre that I’ll manage. And rent maane, I’ll take over your business, siphon off funds as expenses, and make it vastly successful within the financial year, so you’ll never find the money taken out.”
“Oh, accha. But market down hai, and regulations are against us.”
“Haan, but I’ll probably pull a Richard Gere from Pretty Woman. Have you seen Pretty Woman?”
“What is the Richard Gere reference, but?”
“You’ve not seen Pretty Woman?”
“I HAVE, I don’t get the Richard Gere reference.”
“Oh. He basically buys big companies that are floundering and sells them off bit by bit.”
“So, you’re buying me out and selling me off?”
“Not you ya. Your company. And I’m not buying, I’m going to seduce you to sign it off to me.”
“You know it’s not really MY company to sign over to you.”
“Older people love me. That’s my concern, not yours.”
“Aight. Let’s see. My signature will come last, if you succeed in the rest.”
“Haan, but then you’ll spend na, rest of life with me? Even if I dissolve the company?”
“Kyun nahi? Raja ban ke jeeyenge.”
“I’m serious.”
“Huh?”
“I’m serious.”
“About?”
“Will you consider marrying me?”
“Babe, we talked about this…”
“I don’t give a fuck. Do you want to?”
“Yes”
“BRB, getting my sword.”


***

 
She packed up his shirt, and his t-shirt. And the note he had sent her when she’d won her major milestone. And the box from the chocolates. And put them all the corner of the cupboard.
The house still resonated with his voice. The city still threw scents of his presence at her. Her phone was strangely lighter now, and her inbox strangely empty. The ding of texts wasn’t as fun to hear anymore.

Maybe it was a coincidence that the rains had started when the final page of their storybook had been turned. Perhaps some lucky little girl in the future would read the child-friendly, happily-ever-after version of their story. Their original story was more like the German old wives’ tale version, with a gruesome ending. At least, it was gruesome for her.

‘It’s not like you’re a mermaid or a secret princess, really, what did you expect?’
She shook her head at her momentary lapse of practicality, and mentally put away the silly flights of fancy away with the clothes and the past few mementos she couldn’t bear to throw away.

Scents fade away faster than people do. But they hurt more. Scents remind you about love in a weird, integral way that kicks you in the gut and lifts you up, at the same time.
The collar, crook of the arm, and mid-torso of the shirt in her hands no longer smelled of him. It no longer reminded her of being engulfed in the protective bubble of their fairy-tale.


***

“Suno na.”
“Hmm…?”
“I think we need to talk…”



Monday, October 30, 2017

Almost There


I’m not perfect and I don’t expect
To really ever be
I have endless flaws but that’s just how
I know to be me
I’m a fighter, undercover
As a quiet soul
Perfection bides away its time
Till it's unleashed upon the world.

I’m not perfect, not even close yet
And I’ll never be
I’m a warrior, undercover
Till something deserves me
It won’t be perfect, I can’t expect
Anything to be
But I’ll fight if I’m convinced I should
And that this fight, I fight for me.

I’m flawed for sure, I can’t deny it
But I’m almost there
The flaws are mine to hold for life
Not something I despair
I’ll find a flaw I can complement
And then things will be perfect
But till then I’m almost there
I’m not perfect yet.

Monday, October 2, 2017

How to Meet New People After Half Your Life is Done


As a product, you're a problem
A long-term investment
No guarantee
Prone to short circuits
And hell for maintenance.

But even the battered defects you own
Have been accepted by some
But when you grow, you meet many more folks
With whom you have to make things work.

Of course, you come with an instruction manual
But that's buried deep in packaging
Which nobody will try to open
Unless you're doing some tagda marketing.

So let's try to make sense
It's an easy enough process;
Just a few steps.

Step one.
Get out of your corner
And try, na, once, to talk?
You’re fun sometimes, you also acknowledge,
So, can a tentative introduction go too wrong?

Step two.
No, don’t run away just yet
You’re human, not on a final shoot for Seinfeld
Don’t let the raised eyebrows daunt you
You’re a star, your new friends should flaunt you

Step three.
Okay maybe that was a lie
Human beings never grew out of the playground
We were annoying little shitheads as kids
And there’s still enough of us around.

Step four.
But remember, you have some friends
And you’re fairly certain they’re going to stay
So maybe take some courage from that
And make the stage fright go away?

Step five.
FYI, they’re really not worth it
You’re not fighting the playground mafia here
You won’t get bullied now, if you don’t find a group
You won’t find that you’re out of the social loop.

Step six.
Who am I kidding?

No, this isn’t a commentary
Imagine, me?
Confident, stage-smart, street-smart, will-talk-to-clients-at-a-meeting
Me?
Commenting on introvert society?
What is this pseudo-sympathy?
So what if my ears are red right now
And my palms are sweatier than the last time?

But honestly
Have you seen those photo-series?
Behind the scenes of perfection?
The background to every airbrushed video?
The “seedy underbelly” of the show?
Did you wonder if that could be true
For people walking all around you?

Because here’s step seven, from behind the scenes.
Weigh your idiosyncrasies
Find which are okay with society
And if you play your cards right
You’re not weird, but quirky.

Which brings us to step eight
Wherein all you can do is wait
To either be found by, or to find
Someone who is of like mind
But this isn’t cause for celebration
Because then things hit new escalations

With step nine, you tread with care
You’re worried just how much to share
You’re mentally flipping through 25+ years
Of complexities, oddities and fears
And as you introduce each one
You’re fully prepped to see them run
Because you’ve watched these oddities take shape
And even you know you’re a little strange.

Step ten is for those lucky ones
From whom the audience didn’t run
Because now you can finally rest
You’re in the presence of one of the best
And you’re free to embark
On the next monumental task.

Step eleven is what we call sustenance.
It’s what forms the basis for everything else
Piece by piece, you build up on
Each step which has come and gone

So your marketing strategy is now in place
You're ready to launch; complete, with game-face...

But did anyone ever bother to ask...

Why do I need to strategize to ensure I get to socialize?
What even, are you offering as a prize?
The right to interact?

Where did it begin to go wrong?
How are we letting this go on?
Who gets to decide
Which person fits, and who is better off on the outside?

May I hazard a step twelve?
I've been using it, and it's treating me well.
Don't bother.
Really, stop.
Why should you market yourself at all?
Especially to just MAKE a friend
Because that's a beginning, and not the end.
Don’t bother with making a case for you.
You’ll find your niche, like back in school
You’ll find that one other little girl
Who finds it fascinating to be in your world
And you in hers, and that’s all you need
Don’t  bother to bring her up to speed.
You’ll find each others’ oddities
Before you find the normalcy

Ideally, one day, we can all move on
And leave the marketing wars to Flipkart & Amazon
Because we're all broken
We're all oddities
Without a return policy
And why shouldn't we be?
Nobody cares what happens to perfection
It will be fine, it's programmed to be
We're all looking at the flawed
Because that is where there will be magic to see.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Falling in Love More Than Once

Love seems to come & go as it pleases
Looks like it listened to you
And those pointless & super cheesy
Dialogues you continue to spew:

"If I don't leave, how will I return?"
A pathetic attempt to soothe the burn
Of the departure I struggle against
Of the long wait that lies ahead.

Until I see you the next time
And all the love comes rushing in
Like the crashing waves of the incoming tide,
A tidal wave set of from within.

I guess it's worth the wait again
Till you find a way back to me
And I fall in love all over again
So many times now, I gave up counting.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Recipe: Breakfast

Two mugs pulled sleepily off their hooks
Fingers fumbling where closed eyes can’t look
To see just where the kettle sits
Deftly concocting the perfect mix
Of coffee, sugar, doodh aur paani
Differing from mug to mug fractionally
Carefully chosen breakfast spread
Of a thousand dips to eat with bread
And then settle down quietly;
Two mugs, sister, toast & me.
The lull before our daily storms
Begin to rage & drag us along.
As a ritual for keeping calm,
Add some judgement, if you want
There’s no one listening in on you
Coffee, food & just you two.
Or three, or four, as per taste
But don’t add too many, or it’s a waste
Of the carefully crafted simplicity
Like with coffee, sister, toast & me.


A friendly tip; for best results, consume this mix repeatedly.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

OCD

Routine to see.
Shudders from you
At my style
Which I refuse
To match to yours
Because I’m all odds:
Odd Socks. Odd Laces
Odd Rhymes
Odd Timing
Oddball Furball.

And your structure
Causes torture
Too fixed
Too matched
To match to my desire
For oddities
Among symmetry.

Straining
Against what we are, inherently
Built so differently.
Obsessive in our own degrees;
Your even keel & my extremity
Both out of sorts
With all humanity.

But we’re calmer
When we’re together
Because when two halves make one
They must fit
In symmetry
In equality
And here we agree perfectly
With each other.

Fitting cracks into cracks
Where we both broke
In unison
Where equal hurt
Rests quietly
Complementary
To the capacity
To heal

Till we’re fixed
On one reality
That obsessive-compulsively
We must be
You & Me.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Starlight is Only the Reflection from Stars that Died Light-years Ago

Everyone notices shadow
Very few notice light.
Shadows were what light probably came up with
So people would love what it did.

Because light, na...
Light is the Indian Wedding in the form of energy
There's always something to complain about.
You screw up your eyes when there's too much
You squint when there's too little

YOU, though.
You wear dark glasses
Till it's too dark outside
To see the depths they hide
Till you're steeped in shadow
And what lies beneath, we'll never know
You're like light...
You've seen everything you need now
From the safety of your shadow.
You've traversed the depths
And as you sit there
In the light you like
The time reserved for postmortem starlight
You make mirrors out of all of us
In a strange defiant salute to physics

Your light
Calls to our light
And your solar-powered persona
Crafts planets out of us
Orbiting your sun
And we feel it
That slight buzz of energy
Rocket fuel to the personality

But nobody notices
The increasing grey
The deepening shadow
Night falling behind shadowed eyes
Because we're too busy shielding our eyes
Against the light.

Monday, February 20, 2017

#KadviKaakdi - A Bitter Tale

Like when you walk in on Friday with "plans for the night"
And find yourself right there when Sunday says goodnight.
Timeless thwarting of humanity
An out-of-nowhere whammy.
Evil hiding among friends
Revealing itself not till the end.
A toothsome treat gone badly wrong
Sorrow deployed with every dining gong
Sneaky devil in disguise
Kadvi Kaakdi... With the innocent it hides.
Like the spreading smog across the earth
That can't be traced back to its source
Rooted in pure disdain
Of anything but causing pain.
Kadvi Kaakdi crackles into the night
At every besieged diner's plight
Ageless evil is here to stay
From Birth of Nations to their Salad Days.

Monday, January 30, 2017

Resolution 2017

"It's not affecting your life na?"
See, I know it's not
Not directly
But it is personal.
Because you took away
The dream that there's hope
For millions
Looking to move up
To move out
To move on
From worlds that don't understand them
And I take dreams very seriously.

"But you can't change anything, so just move on"
But why?
One day
One country
Now one man
Changed everything.
And made it okay
To hate.

And hate causes wars
Hate causes hate
Hate burns and corrodes
Hate divides
And divides
Till the root of life
Is hate.

So why not?
Why can't one voice
One poem
One... Me
Change anything?

Nobody says anything
Because it's one country
Fuck them
Is about time someone
Kicked them in the superiority

For a moment there
We were living in a world
Where people wanted to love
Where "law" was friendly
Where the CEO of Google
Didn't have to call in personal favours
To let me in
To my own country
Where every news article
Didn't put me behind new bars
Where my anatomy
Was not making me a target
Where I had an option
To not be afraid.

And it wasn't political
It wasn't business
It was social
It was intrinsically human
To care.

And you know what?
I want to care.
And I want to get started now.
Because
The debates will begin again
Colour
Race
Religion
Pro-life...

...pro-life, that's funny
Did anyone think about life
When they took these calls
To build walls
To keep people out
To pick a thread
And slowly unravel life?

I want to make it harder
For everyone around me
To ignore people
To feel removed
To stay out of it
To "what's it to do with me?"

I'll tell you what it's got to do with you.
Not saying anything means
It's not "him"
It's you
Building walls
Banning people
Ignoring the world
Outside your comfortable
Air conditioned
Perfect
Living room.

One man
And his division
Will multiply
And add
To the voices
Till one
And one
And one
And one
Makes many
Who all took it very personally.

So what I'm going to do
Is care.
And talk about life.
Because let's do that a little.
Forget the objective
Forget the politics
Forget the dhandha
Forget your unfounded fears
And get personal
Because it's all personal...
It's personal as hell.

#Resolution2017

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Narrative


You see & I see
Almost exactly the same things
What could be, or may be
But we’re never in sync
You’re half full, I’m empty
And neither of us wins
You say & I say
We see such different things.

What you saw, I missed out
I looked the other way
And by the time you turned around
My frame had already changed.
But this was your world and mine
Not a worldwide release
That you & I saw differently
Was an issue for you and me.
Your truth & mine
No longer what we meant it for
A connection for two
Not a skype call with the world

The world knows what they see
A unit despite disparity
You & I separated
From the common story.
What they read into me
And what they read into you
So different from what we know
So different from our truth.

But who can keep the world away
When they’ve picked their sides?
Now it’s about who saw it right
And picked the winning guy
You saw what I saw
For the first time, aligned
What absolutely could not be
No two ways around this time.
Both glasses half empty
A part empties away
As the world counts their winnings
And our story fades away.

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Beating Retreat - An Empty Apology

Do me a favour & let go
Not of the love
Not the love, ever
Let go of the fight
The constant ceasefire
The battle scars,
The lost men,
The open wounds,
Let go!

The constant reminders
Of how we could be better
The recaps, reviews
Let's put it behind us.
The armies are tired
Weary & worn
Battered, bruised
Beaten & torn.

So let the wounds heal
Though the scars remain
Let every heart beat
Wash away the fresh pain
Let the skin stitch
Where we broke it
Let things go back to the flow
Stay away, heartbreak.
Please, just let go.