Showing posts with label late nights. Show all posts
Showing posts with label late nights. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

The Epitome


A life in rewind


“Babe, I don’t mean to tell you what you already know, but maybe you need some more nutrition, hai na? I know you’re more than capable of eating for two on a good day, but you know you have to do that every day, right now na?”
She rolled her eyes at him, but obediently pulled the plate closer again. “But this is boring food! There’s no taste to this!”
“Haan na, baby, itna teekha tum kha sakti ho, baby thodi khaayegi…”
“Why? I’m sure she’ll love some achaar… Let’s try na?”
He dropped his head into his palm and laughed, “We’ll try tomorrow. For now, eat.”
She grumbled and picked up the spoon, turning towards him for another complaint, but he was too quick.
“Mmm, now you can take your time with your food, and I’ll get a nice nap” he settled comfortably on her extended legs, a pillow between her thigh and his head, “Go on, take your time.”
She sighed, sniggering to herself, and got down to finishing her food.

***

‘The mornings came too quickly these days’ she thought to herself, as she stretched and heard him already putting on his belt. The unmistakable clink of the buckle told her she’d missed the morning banter.
“You’re not coming back in, to bed?”
 He glanced at her in the mirror and smiled at the routine they’d carried on for years “No, sweets, it’s late today. Gym mein thoda zyaada time lag gaya. But I’ll come home early, and we’ll do coffee and Bournvita”
“Can I have beer?”
“Can I first have my baby?”
“Take her now only, she’s a bore, just like you. She wants to go to work.”
“Just like me, or just like you?”
“I’m a lazy ass, you’re the one who won’t come back to bed.”
“Mommy darling, you’re dying to get back to work, and you know it. You’re probably already drafting an intro mail for your daughter and setting her task list up. Okay, I’m off. Kiss?”
“Ew, no! I need to brush.”
He leaned down and kissed her belly, then grinned up at her “I wasn’t asking you.”
She began to laugh.

***


The door opened and his perfume drifted in to her before his voice did. He was on the phone.
“Hunjee, abhi ghar aaya hoon. Just got in.”
She mumbled into her pillow “You can get off the phone now, at least.”
His voice smiled out from her earpiece, and his breath tickled her shoulder “But then I won’t hear your pretty voice say ‘I love you’ over the phone na?”
She growled in response “I love you”
“Okaayy bye…”
His hand was rubbing her back now “What happened, bad day?”
“No. I’m just surrounded by idiots who don’t know their hands from their feet.”
“So, bad day.”
He was making noises with glasses and all.
“No, no! Wait! I’ve made you filter coffee. Thandi hai, bas thodi garam kar do.”
He paused, and turned to her with a frown “Why are you making me coffee at night? Don’t tell me you have work to do yaar…”
She grimaced. He wasn’t going to be happy “Not much… Just a little…”
“Yaar toh din mein kar lete na, why would you leave it for after I get home?”
“Arre abhi shaam ko aaya…”
“So, we’ve talked about this na, why would you take up a project at night?”
“It was important…”
“No yaar, you do your project, then I’m going to sleep. I’m tired.”
He walked off, cup of coffee left on the table, a plate of food in his hand.

“Scoot.”
He looked up at her “Jaldi kaam khatam karo, and sleep. Don’t waste time. Again, you’ll stay up late, and be tired tomorrow.”
“No, I’m done.”
“Done with work?”
“No, work is there, I’ve pushed delivery time to tomorrow evening.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to spend time with my husband. He’s quite sexy, you know.”


***


“Pastels look gorgeous on you”
She stole a side-glance at her almost-husband “You know what a pastel is?”
He nodded, under pretence of straightening his glasses “Like the signal is a green, the pista ice cream is a pastel green; I remember.”
She stifled her laughter as her father gave her a look from across the mandap. Probably not the best time to get in touch with her sense of humour.
“Babe, suno na…”
“Hmm?”
“Aapko mujhe prompt karna padega. I have no idea what anyone is saying. Thoda distracted hoon na. Those pastels and all.”
“Damn it, I was hoping the fam would do that bit. Mujhe ghanta pata hai, what to do…”
They both stopped laughing as the pandit gave them a dirty look this time.


***

“Listen.”
“Hunjee?”
“If I quit my job, pick up my Rani of Jhansi sword and come off to your city, and convince your family, would you seriously consider spending the rest of your life with me?”
“Sure. But where would you get the sword from? And who would pay your rent?”
“Arre that I’ll manage. And rent maane, I’ll take over your business, siphon off funds as expenses, and make it vastly successful within the financial year, so you’ll never find the money taken out.”
“Oh, accha. But market down hai, and regulations are against us.”
“Haan, but I’ll probably pull a Richard Gere from Pretty Woman. Have you seen Pretty Woman?”
“What is the Richard Gere reference, but?”
“You’ve not seen Pretty Woman?”
“I HAVE, I don’t get the Richard Gere reference.”
“Oh. He basically buys big companies that are floundering and sells them off bit by bit.”
“So, you’re buying me out and selling me off?”
“Not you ya. Your company. And I’m not buying, I’m going to seduce you to sign it off to me.”
“You know it’s not really MY company to sign over to you.”
“Older people love me. That’s my concern, not yours.”
“Aight. Let’s see. My signature will come last, if you succeed in the rest.”
“Haan, but then you’ll spend na, rest of life with me? Even if I dissolve the company?”
“Kyun nahi? Raja ban ke jeeyenge.”
“I’m serious.”
“Huh?”
“I’m serious.”
“About?”
“Will you consider marrying me?”
“Babe, we talked about this…”
“I don’t give a fuck. Do you want to?”
“Yes”
“BRB, getting my sword.”


***

 
She packed up his shirt, and his t-shirt. And the note he had sent her when she’d won her major milestone. And the box from the chocolates. And put them all the corner of the cupboard.
The house still resonated with his voice. The city still threw scents of his presence at her. Her phone was strangely lighter now, and her inbox strangely empty. The ding of texts wasn’t as fun to hear anymore.

Maybe it was a coincidence that the rains had started when the final page of their storybook had been turned. Perhaps some lucky little girl in the future would read the child-friendly, happily-ever-after version of their story. Their original story was more like the German old wives’ tale version, with a gruesome ending. At least, it was gruesome for her.

‘It’s not like you’re a mermaid or a secret princess, really, what did you expect?’
She shook her head at her momentary lapse of practicality, and mentally put away the silly flights of fancy away with the clothes and the past few mementos she couldn’t bear to throw away.

Scents fade away faster than people do. But they hurt more. Scents remind you about love in a weird, integral way that kicks you in the gut and lifts you up, at the same time.
The collar, crook of the arm, and mid-torso of the shirt in her hands no longer smelled of him. It no longer reminded her of being engulfed in the protective bubble of their fairy-tale.


***

“Suno na.”
“Hmm…?”
“I think we need to talk…”



Monday, April 1, 2019

Stale

Nothing tastes as much of regret as yesterday's coffee.
Unless it's that weird, woolly taste of your tongue...
Too many puffs, too little water, and a little too much anger.

The best way to express these days...
Is those last moments of quiet when you beat the alarm and grumble awake too early,
Only to take sips of coffee that's been chilling since you ran out the door last morning,
Stretching your toes because they're cramped,
Wondering what important things you missed yesterday;
And ignoring work texts because it's not 9.30 yet, fuck you.

Actually, a good caption for these days is coffee and ignorance.

Fun working-person tip: shutting the world out doesn't keep it out,
It gives everyone the liberty to waltz in to your personal space,
And remind you that you're not making your presence felt in their lives,
And make you feel like a piece of shit.
So you run out for a solitary beer after a hard day,
Coz you can't afford to make a friend to take along.

Coz you don't want one more unread notification.
Coz you only have some time before the alarm rings.
And coz that coffee will still lie in the fridge
Getting more frozen,
If you try to reply to your life every morning.

Another good caption:
Life as a Monorail.
Monotonous one way railroad track
From A to B
Flying through people and pollution
Picking up only grime
And letting the people off at their stops.
While you never stop.

Doing what you're supposed to, right?
But you never seem to be right on time
Or fast enough
Or the AC isn't cold enough
Or you're just too crowded.

But that's your job.
And you get no praise nor pity
For doing your job.
Only complaints on unnecessarily numerous social media channels and personal email stinkers.

So a few more puffs
A sip of water
A resolution to drink more water
A vague inkling to make plans for later
And that coffee.

Probably today
I'll manage to drink more.
Water.

Monday, October 30, 2017

#AboutLastNight

Liquid courage, they call it;
A swig is all you need
To take life by the balls
And to chase your dreams.

One swig
And you'll stop being scared
Stop wishing you'd dared
That one time
When you ran away.
It's fight distilled from adrenaline
It's the balls to say what you mean.

Liquid courage
One swig and you're super human;
You're doing stuff they said you can't
You're breaking rules
You never believed in
You're saying words
You rehearsed
A hundred times in front of a mirror.

A sip to remember
That you're the boss
That it's your job
To take charge
Send that mail
And goddammit, ask for that raise!

Your best friend
Leading you to the dance floor
That lying bastard
Who says you're a bomb
When you're probably more a nunchuk
And that REALLY shouldn't be
Your song.

Your wingman
Who hates to see you crash and burn
But knows she's so damn far
Out of your league
That you probably shouldn't even dream of her.
A swig is all it takes
For "Hi, what're you drinking?"

That idiot
Who told you "You have a dream""
"You have a gift
Damn, you should perform your poetry
It really speaks to me"
Except they've been swigging
Pretty damn hard themselves.

Aged for years
With wisdom imbibed from
Oak casks, and brewing tanks
Microscopic bubbles of yeast-fuelled logic
Pushing their way into your mind
Telling you what you already know
Just don't have the impetus to go for.

Liquid fucking courage.
Because for some reason
Without one swig
You have a duty to suppress it
You know what you want
But you're denied it
Flight fights back
Flight comes in first place
While you cower in the back
"Bhai daaru lao..."

Almost There


I’m not perfect and I don’t expect
To really ever be
I have endless flaws but that’s just how
I know to be me
I’m a fighter, undercover
As a quiet soul
Perfection bides away its time
Till it's unleashed upon the world.

I’m not perfect, not even close yet
And I’ll never be
I’m a warrior, undercover
Till something deserves me
It won’t be perfect, I can’t expect
Anything to be
But I’ll fight if I’m convinced I should
And that this fight, I fight for me.

I’m flawed for sure, I can’t deny it
But I’m almost there
The flaws are mine to hold for life
Not something I despair
I’ll find a flaw I can complement
And then things will be perfect
But till then I’m almost there
I’m not perfect yet.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Starlight is Only the Reflection from Stars that Died Light-years Ago

Everyone notices shadow
Very few notice light.
Shadows were what light probably came up with
So people would love what it did.

Because light, na...
Light is the Indian Wedding in the form of energy
There's always something to complain about.
You screw up your eyes when there's too much
You squint when there's too little

YOU, though.
You wear dark glasses
Till it's too dark outside
To see the depths they hide
Till you're steeped in shadow
And what lies beneath, we'll never know
You're like light...
You've seen everything you need now
From the safety of your shadow.
You've traversed the depths
And as you sit there
In the light you like
The time reserved for postmortem starlight
You make mirrors out of all of us
In a strange defiant salute to physics

Your light
Calls to our light
And your solar-powered persona
Crafts planets out of us
Orbiting your sun
And we feel it
That slight buzz of energy
Rocket fuel to the personality

But nobody notices
The increasing grey
The deepening shadow
Night falling behind shadowed eyes
Because we're too busy shielding our eyes
Against the light.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Narrative


You see & I see
Almost exactly the same things
What could be, or may be
But we’re never in sync
You’re half full, I’m empty
And neither of us wins
You say & I say
We see such different things.

What you saw, I missed out
I looked the other way
And by the time you turned around
My frame had already changed.
But this was your world and mine
Not a worldwide release
That you & I saw differently
Was an issue for you and me.
Your truth & mine
No longer what we meant it for
A connection for two
Not a skype call with the world

The world knows what they see
A unit despite disparity
You & I separated
From the common story.
What they read into me
And what they read into you
So different from what we know
So different from our truth.

But who can keep the world away
When they’ve picked their sides?
Now it’s about who saw it right
And picked the winning guy
You saw what I saw
For the first time, aligned
What absolutely could not be
No two ways around this time.
Both glasses half empty
A part empties away
As the world counts their winnings
And our story fades away.

Friday, December 9, 2016

Take Flight

Steps.
Rhythmic, periodic
Like pendulums ruled by formulae
Hypnotized, hypnotic
They never question; on they sway
It doesn't matter what time of day
You'll take off and land anyway
Just follow what the uniforms say
And if you'll please step this way..

Step by step like they are told
Isolated crowds though they fly alone
A social parody, a dark comedy,
Run without a flaw
Check in, security, the final boarding call

Willingly strapped
Into a place not of your choice
Hushed & Muted
Scared to make a noise
And break the sound barriers set in place
Unspoken rules of airplanes.

Someone else's flight plans
And some other man's rules
Veiled do's & don't's
That you "Choose" to don't & do

Step by step
Filling into stiff packaging
Conveyor belt compliance
Disguised as travelling

Or travel reminding you of airplane-discipline-life
Where pretty faces & authority guide you through the skies

A prisoner of pseudo independence
As you fly & feel "Free"
Periodically strapped back in
In the interest of your safety
Suggestions politely made
Cannot, do not, I'd suggest you don't
Of course you have a say!
The final 'choice' is all your own

Only do remember
If you fail to comply
The tinfoil prison you're in
Could combust mid-flight
And God-forbid the structural hit
And the sheer volume of loss
All because you failed to listen 
And pay attention to us

As you subside into your seat
In willing submission
The slow lethargy steps in
The stagnation of oppression
Fly by night and close your eyes
Dream of when you'll be free
One day you'll close your eyes like this
And head to an epiphany

Structure & Rules work for a start
But once you're in the air
Fixed, unmoving guidelines
Are better off not there

Once the doors close & you're wished a safe flight
Just how you land
Is in your hand
A perfect 10 
Or a blaze of light

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Borders

Borders
Don't matter
When you're two beers down.

Borders
Stop existing
When you walk in & sit down

A drink or two
A smoke to share
And you're on your way

To a fleeting conversation
That's here to stay.

Share a light
A fry or two
And there's tales to tell
Borders
Will stop existing
And nations as well.

Borders
Don't exist
When you're two beers down.

Borders
Lose their meanings
Where there's real meaning to be found.

*Disclaimer:
This has nothing to do with political conflict. This is about the IDEA of borders.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

#PartOfAWhole

"Shuttered against storms
Holed up in the dark
Removed, Forbidding
Nothing would pass"
...

They warned her
As she set out alone
Told her
It could not be done
The elusive, the flighty
What she tried to find
Didn’t really exist
It was all in her mind

But on she went
Undaunted
She knew what she’d seen
What she wanted
The flashes of light & the shutter removed
That’s what she aimed for
What she wanted to do



*This poem was originally about something very different.
But it could so easily be something more.

Monday, October 17, 2016

Asleep

I wonder who's watching when we sleep
When we curl up to block in the heat
When arms touch arms and chest to cheek
New rhythms awaken as we breathe.

I wonder who listens to that new beat
Lungs expanding & contracting peacefully
Fitting into crevices like they were made for me
Arms tightening around you more securely

I wonder who reads my mind just then
And knows what hasn't been spoken
I wonder who slows down time a bit
Without either of us realizing it

I wonder who's watching when we sleep
Who sees me struggle to keep
My eyes shut tight a little longer
Determined that morning will not conquer

I wonder if there's a way that they
They could find a way for us to stay
Undisturbed a little bit
Curled up together just like this.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Flight

We flew, the two of us
Our wings
Took us higher
And higher,
Soaring on thermals of sniggers
And stifled laughter
Snide remarks 
Sarcastic chatter
We could spot them from afar;
Our twin minds tearing them apart
Finding the humour
Where they found their sneers
Not one of them had a chance
Back to back, we were fierce
Nobody could touch us
Anyone who brought shadows was banished
Broken down
Bit by bit 
Punished
For daring to divert the sun
From a face that was made for sunshine
Made of sunshine
We weren't wrong,
We were protectors
Of the sunlight
Of the brightness
Of each other
Untouchable
Unreachable
Un--
Till a breeze at my back woke me
Till my wings lost strength
Till, tumbling to earth
Surrounded by silence
I opened my eyes
And saw you miles below
Disintegrating
Dust to dust...
We were so busy fighting the world
We forgot to guard ourselves.
Against ourselves.

Friday, July 1, 2016

The Tulsi



The gloom had descended before lunchtime.

Everyone around, adept at reading the signs of their world, started moving that much faster, in a hurry to reach shelter. He fought every urge to crawl into bed as the assault began.

The rain would stop, it would slacken and slow, at the very least, he was sure of it. 6 hours later, he was still chanting the same mantra... It will stop, it will stop...

Around him, there were rickshaws stalled, their drivers pushing them out of the traffic, drenched to the bone and losing money by the second. He knew he should be thankful that he hadn't met the same fate, but part of him wanted the excuse to stop.

Tired, exhausted and in the middle of a fight with his previous customer, at 8pm, he met her. Spurred on by habit, he responded with a "Haanji." when she asked him if he would take her where she wanted to go.
She got in, waiting patiently while he waited impatiently for his money. "Kya hua?"
That distracted him. Nobody usually cared... Who was this girl?

She was nice looking. Looked tired, but nodded in understanding as he told her his problem. Taking his money from the previous customer, he kickstarted his vehicle and they started their ride. "Ek kaam karoge?"
She wanted to go further, but wanted him to bring her back. She asked him if he minded. The unexpected kindness made him say yes.

It was a long ride. There was a mini flood. There was traffic. But she chatted with him... About his auto, about the tulsi plant he had bought that morning, about the traffic, about the rain... She spoke with him, not at him...
He looked back at her as he replied, once, and saw that she was looking right at him, interested in his answers, not looking at her phone or outside.

His vehicle had never felt like a chariot before. As he battled the waves of the monsoon, he felt like a warrior, taking precious cargo into a warzone. It made the day better; at 9.30pm, his day seemed brighter than it had at 2pm.

Dropping her home, he felt exhausted as he felt the vehicle get lighter, as she got out. With a light "Yeh lo bhaiyya, thank you!" she left, walking off, shaking her arms to get rid of the water.
He unfolded the notes she'd given him & stared at his meter. She'd overpaid.
He looked down at his tulsi plant, swaying in the momentum of the ride.

"Maante ho?" she'd asked him... If he didn't before, he did now.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Date & Time

I frantically scrabble through dusty dates
Boxes and boxes, crate upon crate
Memories of evenings on remote hills
Memories of dim bars and split bills
The taste of Chivas, the first whiskey I liked
The first local train experience of my life.
I dig for the dates, although I remember the times
I dig to find the red letter days of my life
Broken numbers come to the top
Of a box filled with more than a lot
Dates disjointed, waiting for a reunion
Thrown aside to look for the box I put you in
Because the dates I have for you don't match
They can't be the dates I have in my hand
They tell me it's a dream
The love isn't have, it's has been
So I'm looking for something I know I've seen
Anything to erase 1991-2015

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Strains

I'll play your songs till my ears start ringing
Till I can hear nothing but the echoes
Of the last time you sang them.
I'll play your songs at unsafe volumes
Till everything is silenced
And I can't hear them tell me
You'll never sing them again.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Long Distance

Have you met love?
Love is mankind’s hero
It defeats all evil
Transcends all barriers
Brings people closer
And charts the quickest paths from A to B

Love takes two buses
Dives into rush hour traffic
Then hides until the coast is clear
 
Love travels to wintry, rainy, cold, uncomfortable places
But love… Poor thing
Is no match for distance

Nobody likes distance
Distance is love’s worst nightmare
Only pretends to make the heart grow fonder
And all the while making love’s job harder
With every trip
With every mode of transport
Love never gets closer, only further away
Because distance is winning today

Love isn’t about togetherness
Not anymore
Love is stuck with a phone call
Or a text message
Today, a voice note
Or a wall post
Love is a bunch of words on virtual paper
And a very, very long distance

Love fights a constant battle
A cartographer’s worst nightmare
Charting maps on demand
Building bridge after bridge
Spanning countries and cities and area codes
And career choices and homes and walls

And continuous business
To internet service providers
Because love is shared sunsets
Over skype calls
And a rousing discussion about movies
Watched separately

How can love catch up with us?
We’re not making things easy
Because we won’t stand still
We move on and on and on…
Your life, my life, different lives
You wouldn’t understand
You don’t get it
You had the be there…

But here’s the thing.
Sure there’s a story you’re not watching live
But every voice note lets you in on someone’s life
That wall post, the social media updates
That’s not compensation, that’s information

Your auto ride & OLA cab bills
Aren’t money, they’re investments

Love is standing on this stage
Walking into a room
Smiling like your jaw will split
Love is the hug and the dimly lit nights
Love is savoring every moment before the next goodbye
Heightening the feeling of each other’s arms
Love is laughing about sharing a beer in person
And forgetting the pain of drinking it alone
Love is the bus-ticket, train ticket, empty bank account
Love is a paper napkin in the back of your book
A memory card full of photos you had to laugh about together
A joke you had to be there to understand
But you get it anyway
Because you can see it happen in your head

Love is a vague notion
Every time something goes wrong
That you know who can make it right
It’s not having to be there to make you smile
It’s a cat video shared on your wall
A text wishing you happy birthday
Love is the last dance…
Late night conversations under streetlamps
Because who knows when you’ll talk like this again?
It’s talking like that again
And again
And again…

The empty space next to you isn’t taunting you
It’s giving you strength
Because there are people out there filling it
Right now
With their presence
You just can’t see them

The space doesn’t defeat love
The space reinforces love
Reminds you every day
That there’s love out there
That empty space is your catalyst
Pushing you for that weekend trip away,
Every new map of A to B
That’s love.

Love trumps distance
Because Love is not just the goodbye
Love is the welcome back.