Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

The Epitome


A life in rewind


“Babe, I don’t mean to tell you what you already know, but maybe you need some more nutrition, hai na? I know you’re more than capable of eating for two on a good day, but you know you have to do that every day, right now na?”
She rolled her eyes at him, but obediently pulled the plate closer again. “But this is boring food! There’s no taste to this!”
“Haan na, baby, itna teekha tum kha sakti ho, baby thodi khaayegi…”
“Why? I’m sure she’ll love some achaar… Let’s try na?”
He dropped his head into his palm and laughed, “We’ll try tomorrow. For now, eat.”
She grumbled and picked up the spoon, turning towards him for another complaint, but he was too quick.
“Mmm, now you can take your time with your food, and I’ll get a nice nap” he settled comfortably on her extended legs, a pillow between her thigh and his head, “Go on, take your time.”
She sighed, sniggering to herself, and got down to finishing her food.

***

‘The mornings came too quickly these days’ she thought to herself, as she stretched and heard him already putting on his belt. The unmistakable clink of the buckle told her she’d missed the morning banter.
“You’re not coming back in, to bed?”
 He glanced at her in the mirror and smiled at the routine they’d carried on for years “No, sweets, it’s late today. Gym mein thoda zyaada time lag gaya. But I’ll come home early, and we’ll do coffee and Bournvita”
“Can I have beer?”
“Can I first have my baby?”
“Take her now only, she’s a bore, just like you. She wants to go to work.”
“Just like me, or just like you?”
“I’m a lazy ass, you’re the one who won’t come back to bed.”
“Mommy darling, you’re dying to get back to work, and you know it. You’re probably already drafting an intro mail for your daughter and setting her task list up. Okay, I’m off. Kiss?”
“Ew, no! I need to brush.”
He leaned down and kissed her belly, then grinned up at her “I wasn’t asking you.”
She began to laugh.

***


The door opened and his perfume drifted in to her before his voice did. He was on the phone.
“Hunjee, abhi ghar aaya hoon. Just got in.”
She mumbled into her pillow “You can get off the phone now, at least.”
His voice smiled out from her earpiece, and his breath tickled her shoulder “But then I won’t hear your pretty voice say ‘I love you’ over the phone na?”
She growled in response “I love you”
“Okaayy bye…”
His hand was rubbing her back now “What happened, bad day?”
“No. I’m just surrounded by idiots who don’t know their hands from their feet.”
“So, bad day.”
He was making noises with glasses and all.
“No, no! Wait! I’ve made you filter coffee. Thandi hai, bas thodi garam kar do.”
He paused, and turned to her with a frown “Why are you making me coffee at night? Don’t tell me you have work to do yaar…”
She grimaced. He wasn’t going to be happy “Not much… Just a little…”
“Yaar toh din mein kar lete na, why would you leave it for after I get home?”
“Arre abhi shaam ko aaya…”
“So, we’ve talked about this na, why would you take up a project at night?”
“It was important…”
“No yaar, you do your project, then I’m going to sleep. I’m tired.”
He walked off, cup of coffee left on the table, a plate of food in his hand.

“Scoot.”
He looked up at her “Jaldi kaam khatam karo, and sleep. Don’t waste time. Again, you’ll stay up late, and be tired tomorrow.”
“No, I’m done.”
“Done with work?”
“No, work is there, I’ve pushed delivery time to tomorrow evening.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to spend time with my husband. He’s quite sexy, you know.”


***


“Pastels look gorgeous on you”
She stole a side-glance at her almost-husband “You know what a pastel is?”
He nodded, under pretence of straightening his glasses “Like the signal is a green, the pista ice cream is a pastel green; I remember.”
She stifled her laughter as her father gave her a look from across the mandap. Probably not the best time to get in touch with her sense of humour.
“Babe, suno na…”
“Hmm?”
“Aapko mujhe prompt karna padega. I have no idea what anyone is saying. Thoda distracted hoon na. Those pastels and all.”
“Damn it, I was hoping the fam would do that bit. Mujhe ghanta pata hai, what to do…”
They both stopped laughing as the pandit gave them a dirty look this time.


***

“Listen.”
“Hunjee?”
“If I quit my job, pick up my Rani of Jhansi sword and come off to your city, and convince your family, would you seriously consider spending the rest of your life with me?”
“Sure. But where would you get the sword from? And who would pay your rent?”
“Arre that I’ll manage. And rent maane, I’ll take over your business, siphon off funds as expenses, and make it vastly successful within the financial year, so you’ll never find the money taken out.”
“Oh, accha. But market down hai, and regulations are against us.”
“Haan, but I’ll probably pull a Richard Gere from Pretty Woman. Have you seen Pretty Woman?”
“What is the Richard Gere reference, but?”
“You’ve not seen Pretty Woman?”
“I HAVE, I don’t get the Richard Gere reference.”
“Oh. He basically buys big companies that are floundering and sells them off bit by bit.”
“So, you’re buying me out and selling me off?”
“Not you ya. Your company. And I’m not buying, I’m going to seduce you to sign it off to me.”
“You know it’s not really MY company to sign over to you.”
“Older people love me. That’s my concern, not yours.”
“Aight. Let’s see. My signature will come last, if you succeed in the rest.”
“Haan, but then you’ll spend na, rest of life with me? Even if I dissolve the company?”
“Kyun nahi? Raja ban ke jeeyenge.”
“I’m serious.”
“Huh?”
“I’m serious.”
“About?”
“Will you consider marrying me?”
“Babe, we talked about this…”
“I don’t give a fuck. Do you want to?”
“Yes”
“BRB, getting my sword.”


***

 
She packed up his shirt, and his t-shirt. And the note he had sent her when she’d won her major milestone. And the box from the chocolates. And put them all the corner of the cupboard.
The house still resonated with his voice. The city still threw scents of his presence at her. Her phone was strangely lighter now, and her inbox strangely empty. The ding of texts wasn’t as fun to hear anymore.

Maybe it was a coincidence that the rains had started when the final page of their storybook had been turned. Perhaps some lucky little girl in the future would read the child-friendly, happily-ever-after version of their story. Their original story was more like the German old wives’ tale version, with a gruesome ending. At least, it was gruesome for her.

‘It’s not like you’re a mermaid or a secret princess, really, what did you expect?’
She shook her head at her momentary lapse of practicality, and mentally put away the silly flights of fancy away with the clothes and the past few mementos she couldn’t bear to throw away.

Scents fade away faster than people do. But they hurt more. Scents remind you about love in a weird, integral way that kicks you in the gut and lifts you up, at the same time.
The collar, crook of the arm, and mid-torso of the shirt in her hands no longer smelled of him. It no longer reminded her of being engulfed in the protective bubble of their fairy-tale.


***

“Suno na.”
“Hmm…?”
“I think we need to talk…”



Monday, October 30, 2017

Almost There


I’m not perfect and I don’t expect
To really ever be
I have endless flaws but that’s just how
I know to be me
I’m a fighter, undercover
As a quiet soul
Perfection bides away its time
Till it's unleashed upon the world.

I’m not perfect, not even close yet
And I’ll never be
I’m a warrior, undercover
Till something deserves me
It won’t be perfect, I can’t expect
Anything to be
But I’ll fight if I’m convinced I should
And that this fight, I fight for me.

I’m flawed for sure, I can’t deny it
But I’m almost there
The flaws are mine to hold for life
Not something I despair
I’ll find a flaw I can complement
And then things will be perfect
But till then I’m almost there
I’m not perfect yet.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Falling in Love More Than Once

Love seems to come & go as it pleases
Looks like it listened to you
And those pointless & super cheesy
Dialogues you continue to spew:

"If I don't leave, how will I return?"
A pathetic attempt to soothe the burn
Of the departure I struggle against
Of the long wait that lies ahead.

Until I see you the next time
And all the love comes rushing in
Like the crashing waves of the incoming tide,
A tidal wave set of from within.

I guess it's worth the wait again
Till you find a way back to me
And I fall in love all over again
So many times now, I gave up counting.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Recipe: Breakfast

Two mugs pulled sleepily off their hooks
Fingers fumbling where closed eyes can’t look
To see just where the kettle sits
Deftly concocting the perfect mix
Of coffee, sugar, doodh aur paani
Differing from mug to mug fractionally
Carefully chosen breakfast spread
Of a thousand dips to eat with bread
And then settle down quietly;
Two mugs, sister, toast & me.
The lull before our daily storms
Begin to rage & drag us along.
As a ritual for keeping calm,
Add some judgement, if you want
There’s no one listening in on you
Coffee, food & just you two.
Or three, or four, as per taste
But don’t add too many, or it’s a waste
Of the carefully crafted simplicity
Like with coffee, sister, toast & me.


A friendly tip; for best results, consume this mix repeatedly.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

OCD

Routine to see.
Shudders from you
At my style
Which I refuse
To match to yours
Because I’m all odds:
Odd Socks. Odd Laces
Odd Rhymes
Odd Timing
Oddball Furball.

And your structure
Causes torture
Too fixed
Too matched
To match to my desire
For oddities
Among symmetry.

Straining
Against what we are, inherently
Built so differently.
Obsessive in our own degrees;
Your even keel & my extremity
Both out of sorts
With all humanity.

But we’re calmer
When we’re together
Because when two halves make one
They must fit
In symmetry
In equality
And here we agree perfectly
With each other.

Fitting cracks into cracks
Where we both broke
In unison
Where equal hurt
Rests quietly
Complementary
To the capacity
To heal

Till we’re fixed
On one reality
That obsessive-compulsively
We must be
You & Me.

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Beating Retreat - An Empty Apology

Do me a favour & let go
Not of the love
Not the love, ever
Let go of the fight
The constant ceasefire
The battle scars,
The lost men,
The open wounds,
Let go!

The constant reminders
Of how we could be better
The recaps, reviews
Let's put it behind us.
The armies are tired
Weary & worn
Battered, bruised
Beaten & torn.

So let the wounds heal
Though the scars remain
Let every heart beat
Wash away the fresh pain
Let the skin stitch
Where we broke it
Let things go back to the flow
Stay away, heartbreak.
Please, just let go.

Monday, October 17, 2016

Asleep

I wonder who's watching when we sleep
When we curl up to block in the heat
When arms touch arms and chest to cheek
New rhythms awaken as we breathe.

I wonder who listens to that new beat
Lungs expanding & contracting peacefully
Fitting into crevices like they were made for me
Arms tightening around you more securely

I wonder who reads my mind just then
And knows what hasn't been spoken
I wonder who slows down time a bit
Without either of us realizing it

I wonder who's watching when we sleep
Who sees me struggle to keep
My eyes shut tight a little longer
Determined that morning will not conquer

I wonder if there's a way that they
They could find a way for us to stay
Undisturbed a little bit
Curled up together just like this.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Long Distance

Have you met love?
Love is mankind’s hero
It defeats all evil
Transcends all barriers
Brings people closer
And charts the quickest paths from A to B

Love takes two buses
Dives into rush hour traffic
Then hides until the coast is clear
 
Love travels to wintry, rainy, cold, uncomfortable places
But love… Poor thing
Is no match for distance

Nobody likes distance
Distance is love’s worst nightmare
Only pretends to make the heart grow fonder
And all the while making love’s job harder
With every trip
With every mode of transport
Love never gets closer, only further away
Because distance is winning today

Love isn’t about togetherness
Not anymore
Love is stuck with a phone call
Or a text message
Today, a voice note
Or a wall post
Love is a bunch of words on virtual paper
And a very, very long distance

Love fights a constant battle
A cartographer’s worst nightmare
Charting maps on demand
Building bridge after bridge
Spanning countries and cities and area codes
And career choices and homes and walls

And continuous business
To internet service providers
Because love is shared sunsets
Over skype calls
And a rousing discussion about movies
Watched separately

How can love catch up with us?
We’re not making things easy
Because we won’t stand still
We move on and on and on…
Your life, my life, different lives
You wouldn’t understand
You don’t get it
You had the be there…

But here’s the thing.
Sure there’s a story you’re not watching live
But every voice note lets you in on someone’s life
That wall post, the social media updates
That’s not compensation, that’s information

Your auto ride & OLA cab bills
Aren’t money, they’re investments

Love is standing on this stage
Walking into a room
Smiling like your jaw will split
Love is the hug and the dimly lit nights
Love is savoring every moment before the next goodbye
Heightening the feeling of each other’s arms
Love is laughing about sharing a beer in person
And forgetting the pain of drinking it alone
Love is the bus-ticket, train ticket, empty bank account
Love is a paper napkin in the back of your book
A memory card full of photos you had to laugh about together
A joke you had to be there to understand
But you get it anyway
Because you can see it happen in your head

Love is a vague notion
Every time something goes wrong
That you know who can make it right
It’s not having to be there to make you smile
It’s a cat video shared on your wall
A text wishing you happy birthday
Love is the last dance…
Late night conversations under streetlamps
Because who knows when you’ll talk like this again?
It’s talking like that again
And again
And again…

The empty space next to you isn’t taunting you
It’s giving you strength
Because there are people out there filling it
Right now
With their presence
You just can’t see them

The space doesn’t defeat love
The space reinforces love
Reminds you every day
That there’s love out there
That empty space is your catalyst
Pushing you for that weekend trip away,
Every new map of A to B
That’s love.

Love trumps distance
Because Love is not just the goodbye
Love is the welcome back.