SMM Dilemmas

We all have moments in life
When it's time to make  choice
One decision that could change all
One move; either way, it's your call
You decide, you choose your fate
You pick between relief and hate
One way or the other, you're stuck and you know it
You're losing your mind and you cannot show it
It is a curse of society
The diktat of propriety
Should I - Could I do that?
Can I ping him?
Do I dare start a chat?
Would he respond, would he ignore it?
Would I look at the ground, hope to be swallowed up by it?
Distraction won't work. Eyes stray to the page
Where they tell me he's still online at this stage
Start typing
Stop typing
Start typing
Delete
And he's still online, making this harder for me
Maybe that chat will result in something more by and by
The thought gives me the strength to finally type "Hi..."
And the crazy voices in my head
Scream that I should have ignored him instead
And now I stare and I stare some more
Hoping for a reply, hoping I'm not ignored...

Storms

You never stand under a tree when there’s a storm coming

You run for cover, run home to a warm cup of coffee

You don’t stand around, waiting for the storm to hit, enthralled by it’s whirling, swirling gusts of wind

Pushing you around, the rain and thunder engulfing you till you’re the only one you know exists because the rain is hiding you from view

It’s only when the storm passes and you walk home, sodden, squelching water at every step, ears still echoing from the wind and thunder that you look back and realise that you’re storm-washed and storm-drenched and you’ll never be that person again

You marvel at other people standing around marvelling at your ridiculous choice or bad luck to be caught in a massive thunder-lightning-pouring-rain-storm

Because they, who ran away, safe at home, doing the right thing would never know the delight of being alone out there and feeling all the dirt and grime be replaced by a light-headed, freshly-washed fuzzy warmth that no amount of coffee can replicate

That’s what I was thinking once, as I walked up to perform

This… This is like standing outdoors in that storm.

You’re alone up here, with everyone watching you take on the forces of the stage.

It’s lights, sound, action as you breathe in deep, it’s just you and your words and your thoughts as you keep time

As you keep count

As you keep pace

As you keep track of the words and the thoughts…

As you perform

It’s a temporal, beautiful, nerve-wracking ordeal

It’s stress like no other, it’s love like no other, it’s a high like no other

And it’s something people might scoff at you for, they’ll tell you that you’re wasting time;

That you’re betting on a losing horse

That you’re heading for a fall.

They’ll tell you that you have priorities,

You have responsibilities,

You have duties,

You have families… But you run out into the storm anyway

Because when you step off that stage, aware of every squelching step away from the spotlight,

You know that the person who stepped up to take on the stage is not the same as the person who walks away.

You feel that light-headed, freshly-washed fuzzy warmth that only comes when you’ve faced up to a storm.

Sapiosexual

The more I heard about him, the deeper I fell
"He's smart!" They told me; "He's sweet!" They said
In the flood of his smart, sweet, intelligence
I dropped, swimming with the fishes, weighed down with cement

Like the bottom from my world
When they said he loved another girl
They told me numbers don't lie
They don't turn a blind eye
That his heart, although broken
Was irretrievably taken

They showed me shadows in his eyes
And hidden pain in his smile
They told me he'd never returned
Forever shy now he'd been burned

The more I heard
The more I yearned
The more he said
The harder I fell

His bruises match mine now, one for one
They said his love was forever gone
They said it was hers, he'd never be free
They told me to walk away but nobody could see

That was harder than anything else could be
I wanted to cure the hurt I could see
The more I heard, the more I fell
For him; sweet, hurt, intelligent.

Stories

What will I do when I miss you?

When nights are hard because the day didn’t have you in it?

How will I deal with day after day

Dealing all alone with life’s shit?

Because even on the most selfish level

Soon we’ll be in different places, and I’ll miss you like hell

So what’ll I do when I miss you?

When I want to drink and talk about work?

What’ll I do when I feel that need

To go out and eat way too much?

What will I do when I want a hug?

What on earth am I to do

When you’re alone there and you might need me too?

I’ll miss you like hell

You know me enough to know that well

In you, cheesy as it sounds, I’ve had it all

I’ve found a poet, a best friend, a sounding wall

I’ve had hugs and love and fights

I’ve had chilly bike rides and unforgettable nights

We have stories together, you and I do

When I miss you, that’s what I’ll do

I’ll write out our stories

I’ll write them well

I’ll keep them to remember you and me

When I’m alone and I’m missing you like hell.